BEAUTIFUL By Lyssa Darlene McDulglun LDMcDulglun@yahoo.com Rating: PG Category: VA Keywords: Reyes POV, Reyes Angst, implied MSR, I guess you could call it a one-sided slash. Spoilers: Existence, reference to This Is Not Happening Archive: Anywhere, just keep all of the headers attached, and drop me an e-mail to let me know where it's going! Disclaimer: Reyes, Scully, Mulder, Doggett, and William aren't mine. :( They belong to Chris Carter/1013. Summary: Pre/during/post Existence, small part during TINH. Reyes agonizes over the relationship she knows she can never have with Scully. Feedback: Pleeeeease????? ~*For my angel, my yellow flower of spring*~ "You look amazingly beautiful, Dana." I remember saying this shortly before she went into labor with her miracle child. If only she knew everything I meant by that... I remember when I first met her, she seemed a little skeptical of me. I really couldn't blame her; considering everything she had been through, it would be hard to trust anyone. There was something in her face, however, that enthralled me. She cared about Mulder so much, and was so determined to find him and rescue him from whatever unexplained force took him away, and yet she was devoted to explainable medical science. I had been ashamed of my smoking habit before, but when I saw her disapproving stare as I lit up, I felt like a traitor to humanity. I resolved that this time I would really quit. I'd quit for Agent Scully, for Dana. In the time that unfolded, she captivated me more and more. Everything about her was so beautiful, and I could not help dwelling on that thought, even when she was not around. I wanted to melt all of her pain, to bring Mulder back unharmed, to ensure that her baby would be normal. I wanted to undo all of the hurt she had ever experienced, and personally see to it that she would never be hurt again, in any way by anyone or anything. I could not believe it when John called me and told me to come to take Dana to Georgia and protect her, to deliver her baby. I would have expected him to send Mulder, or at the very least to go himself...but he asked ME. I felt honored, but at the same time, incredibly scared. Her safety, her life, and that of her unborn child, were in my hands, and I was afraid that I would look away at the wrong moment, and she would be gone. Not to mention the fact that I had never delivered a baby before, and I was petrified that in doing so I would somehow harm Dana or her baby, something for which I would never be able to forgive myself. Yet somehow, I ended up in that cabin. At my suggestion of mood music (and after feeling incredibly stupid for attempting to demonstrate to her the calming effects of whale songs), Dana told me that I reminded her of her sister. That statement flooded me with more emotion than anything I could remember feeling in a long time. I reminded her of someone for whom she cared deeply, someone she respected and trusted, someone who could no longer be with her. I could be someone deeply important in her life...but only her sister. Later, when I told her she was beautiful, I reprimanded myself, wondering how she had interpreted that, and if she suspected anything... I brought her child into the world. I held him in my arms, and placed him in hers. The look of maternal joy and love, the relief as those horrible replicants left, was indescribable. You would think that I would have felt privileged to have been a part of it, but I felt like an intruder, an outsider. Mulder needed to be here, to share this joy, for I knew in my heart that this was his son. The next thing I knew, Mulder was running up to me, asking where she was, and I blindly told him to get her to a hospital. I briefly watched as he ran in, and a look of completion consumed both of their faces as Mulder began to hold Dana and the baby as one. I then closed the door, knowing that this sacred moment needed to be shared between the two...three...of them, without anyone watching, including me. Tears threatened to escape my eyes as I fully realized that I could never be to Dana what Mulder already was. ******* Now I'm sitting at home, contemplating the last few whirlwind days, the thought finally sinking in that John and I are really on the X-Files now. I'm going to have to uphold the job Dana has held so well for so long, and I'm not sure if I can do it. My thoughts drift to wondering how she and her son are doing. I'm startled from my thoughts by a knock at the door. Expecting to see John with our first case, I instead open the door to find Dana there with her son, and, surprisingly, without Mulder. "Hello, Dana...I wasn't expecting you," I hear myself say, and immediately reprimand myself yet again, this time for possibly making her feel unwelcome. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything. I just wanted to come by and talk." "No, not at all...come on in." She comes in, and sits down on my couch, declining my offer of something to drink. "Listen, Agent Reyes--" "You can call me Monica." Why did I just say that?! "Alright...Monica...I came by to thank you for everything you've done for me. I don't think I ever got the chance, with all of the commotion that's been going on these past few days. I don't know where William and I would be right now if it weren't for you...we might not even be alive. You were like an angel watching over me that night, and I don't know how to say enough." My heart feels like it is melting at the sound of those words. Her beautiful voice, saying so many nice things to me...I don't know how I could deserve that. I want to tell her no, that she is the angel, but of course I can't do that. Instead, I try to make polite small talk. "William...that's a nice name." "Thank you...he's named after Grandpa Mulder." "That's really nice." I probably sound so stupid. She is so beautiful... "Anyway, Monica, I have to be going, but I just wanted to make sure you know how incredibly grateful I am. If you ever need anything, you can call me any time. And I mean that." She's leaning towards me, oh my God, she's going to hug me! It's a little awkward with her still trying to hold William, but I manage to put my arms around her and say, "It was no trouble, Dana. You know I'll always be there for you." She pulls away, smiles, and walks out the door, saying a lighthearted "see you later" to me, her friend who reminds her of her sister. I sink back into the couch and cry. AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is far from the first fanfic I've started, however, it's the first one that I've finished. I wrote it on a whim in June '01 after a particularly hard day/night. Thanks for taking the time to read it, and I hope the text format came out alright. :) "Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land "What if we could stop, pause to take stock of each precious moment before it passes?" ~All Things "Too much of a good thing can be wonderful." ~Mae West