Author : lillebailey 
Email : lillebailey@yahoo.co.uk 
Title : A Lonely Life 
Category : Knowle Rohrer / Scully 
Summary : A short post per manum piece from Knowle's P.O.V. 
 
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I can't really remember the days before all of this began. Sometimes I try, 
like now. Sat alone in my nice house, in my nice neighbourhood. One of 
parents, children, school runs and lawn mowing. It's past one in the morning 
and i'm sat in the same place on the couch that I was at eleven, i'm half a 
bottle of scotch down though. Thinking. I do a lot of that. Trying to 
remember. 
 
What am I trying to remember? Days before the military? Not really, some 
of the best times of my life were in USMC. Deep down, I know. I'm trying 
to remember how life was, who I was. Not pre USMC or pre Dept of 
defense, but pre 'that project.' The project in my career that gave me 
opportunities, but also new superiors. Men who answer to nobody, make the 
rules as they go. What I got was the opportunity to spend my life alone. 
These men wanted me because I was a 'special soldier', showed 'potential' 
and had 'excellent skills.' I thought I was moving up, going on to the bigger 
and better. I swallowed it all. Today I am, all I am ever and was ever going 
to be. A pawn in someone else's game. 
 
Things were easy to begin with. Simple tasks, I just had to keep my mouth 
shut. I'm good at that. So much so, I can barely communicate with people 
anymore. I was a social guy once, at some point. These men don't tell me 
everything, just what I am to do. The past year or so i've had two jobs. My 
regular job at the pentagon, and my real one. Thats where she comes in.. 
 
I was to watch her, protect her. Those were the orders. It was planned she 
was to be the mother of a very special child, but I can't think about all that 
right now. So I did. Watched her and kept those away who wished to harm 
her. Even screwed over my old friend John Doggett making him her 
partner at work. Of course he doesn't know it was me. I knew he'd keep her 
safe. It probably ruined his career, shows how far i'd go for these men. 
Betrayed my own friend. These people believe this woman is very special, 
and now so do I, but for very different reasons. 
 
She's just another woman, right. You take out the whole screwed up baby 
issue and she's just a woman, no different to the others. At least I wish that 
was true. I've researched Dana Scully, watched her at work, at home, with 
her family and on those nights when she looks so sad and alone. I've 
listened to her phone calls and read her email. I don't know when it 
happened, but I sit here tonight on my couch, scotch in hand, a man in love. 
There, I admitted it. 
 
She saw my face last night for the first time. At the hospital when we had to 
deal with the other pregnant lady and her baby. She's another one on the list, 
but that's another story. It's the closest i've gotten to her. Close enough to 
smell her and feel her breath on my skin. I got a hold of her to keep her 
back from what was going on. She looked at me, into my eyes. That look 
broke my heart there and then. She saw me as 'one of them'. I could see it in 
her face. She was in my arms and she was terrified. Of me. She didn't see 
further, to the man who would do anything to keep her safe, not for those 
bastards I work for, but from them. 
 
I don't blame her, what was she supposed to think. She doesn't know I think 
she's the most beautiful thing i've ever seen, that her strength, intelligence, 
humor and charm make me physically ache for her.  
Of course she thinks i'm one of them. 
But who are they? 
Come to that, who am I? 
and so the thinking starts over again..... 
 
The End.