Title: "The Life I Always Wanted" Author: Little Albatross (admin@littlealbatross.com) Dates: February 1, 2008 Distribution: Semper Fi, We Shall Not Forget and XFMU. Anyone else, please ask. Rating: PG Category: Scully POV, DSR, Scully/Other, AU Timeline: Post-"The Truth" Spoilers/Episode References: "Never Again" Disclaimer: If you recognize it, I don't own it. All X-Files characters belong to Chris Carter, Ten- Thirteen Productions and 20th Century FOX Broadcasting. Summary: Scully reflects on her biggest betrayal. Author's Note 1: This fanfic doesn't really take off from any point in The X-Files series, so I think it's safe to say that it's an alternate universe where Doggett and Scully are together, and Mulder let Scully live the life she always wanted so she never went off with him after the events of "The Truth". Authors' Note 2: This fanfic is for the Semper Fi DSR challenge for January-March 2008 to the lyrics of "Bartender" by Keri Noble (lyrics at the end of the fanfic). I'd further like to dedicate this fanfic to my sister, the biggest Dipp I've ever known, and yet as dysfunctional as this is, I know you'll still love it. -------------------- I enter the bar and stand out. I don't belong here. I shouldn't be here but the betrayal I just committed weighs down on my heart. I notice all the eyes watching me. I stand out just like I did years ago when I went to the Hard Eight Lounge with a man I ended up having a one night stand with. Is that all this was, a one night stand? I sit down at the bar and look at the bartender. He looks back at me doubtful, but can sense the trouble I've gotten myself into. Perhaps he noticed the sparkle on my ring finger. "What'll it be?" I don't know what I want. I don't know why I came here, just seemed like the thing to do. "Do you have a cure for a troubled heart?" I ask him. "Depends on the trouble." He says to me. "What kind of trouble could a classy woman like you be in that would lead you in to this place anyway?" "Betrayed my husband." I answer. Why are bartenders so easy to talk to? "I've been married for two years. I have everything. He's my best friend, my lover, my husband and for one night I threw it all away on another man." The bartender nods his head, turns, fixes a drink, and places it in front of me. "Why'd you do it?" "I don't know." I shake my head and sip at my drink. A sip that turns to downing the rest. I look up at him. "Another, please." He gets me another. "My life has been everything I've wanted. My husband, John, loves me more than I could ever imagine. He's so honorable and yet... and yet I do this to him." My fingertips run over the diamond ring that rests perfectly on my ring finger. "There's a reason you did it." The bartender tries to get it out of me. "Being with this other guy, it was like... like being in a dream. Every worry I had went away. Every day- to-day activity went away. Being with him was fresh, like being young again." "Seems like you don't want commitment in your life." "That's just the thing, it's what I've always wanted." I explain. "For years I worked in the FBI with this partner that would run off and investigate whatever he wanted. Like chase government conspiracies in the hopes of exposing the truth. That was the life he wanted, and for years that was the life I shared with him because I had to." "So now that you don't have to you want it back?" I shrug my shoulders. My instinct tells me he's right, but my heart tells me he's wrong. "I'm torn." "Do you have kids?" "No." I signal for another drink as he brings up this hard topic. "I can't have kids. My husband's son he had with his ex-wife was murdered. And yet he's so loyal to me. He just excepts the fact that I can't conceive a child through normal means." He places the drink in front of me and I take it. "Normal means?" He's curious. "I had a child I had to give away because it was the product of a government experiment with aliens." I sound crazy. I sound like Fox Mulder. I look up at him and can see he's debating whether or not he should take my drink from me and kick me out of his bar. "You think I'm crazy?" "I think you've had a little too much to drink." "Are you throwing me out?" "I wouldn't say I'm throwing you out, as much as I'm going to give you some advice you should take action on." He says to me and I listen. "Go home and talk to your husband about what you feel. Communicate with him. And if you really love your husband, and want to live the life you deserve, call off your affair." I take in his words and nod my head. "How much do I owe you?" The cab driver stops in front of my house. The lights are on in the downstairs and I can see John's silhouette. He's reading like he always does. I pay the cab driver and get out. For a long time I stand looking at the house. Looking at the life I've always wanted. I pull out my cell phone and start to walk away. I don't want to take a chance at John hearing that I'm home. Not yet anyway. "Hello?" The man's voice comes through my phone. "It's me. Dana." My voice comes out in half a whisper. "Are you alone, where we can talk?" There is a moment for silence and I can hear him making excuses for taking a call in private. "I didn't expect to hear from you tonight." His voice is a whisper too. "It's over Brad. I can't do this to John." "What brought this on?" I can tell he's unhappy. "Common sense." I answer. "Besides, aren't you married to Monica?" "We both agreed we needed to escape from our marriages." "I did some good thinking tonight." I pause as I consider what my actions will be when I get home. "I'm going to tell him everything." "You can't do that, Dana. If he tells her-" "If he tells her, he'll tell her because she's a friend and needs to know if her husband is betraying her." I let out a sigh. I've hurt so many people. "It's over. Goodbye." I hang up my phone and turn back towards my home. My stomach is in knots. Not from fear of John, but from fear of admitting my betrayal to him. For breaking his heart, and for the first time ever in my life, finally going after the life I've always wanted. The End. -------------------- Love it? Hate it? Let me know! admin@littlealbatross.com Like my work? Want more? Check out these sites: http://www.foxandrat.com/ http://www.littlealbatross.com/art/ "Bartenter" by Keri Noble Bartender, another and make it a double I can't go home, I'm in some kind of trouble What started so innocently turned to sin I can't get out, I am too deep in Have you ever had everything you'd ever wanted A good life, good friends and a loving companion Take a hard look and pay real close attention I threw it all away with reckless abandon On a pair of caramel eyes I found out how quickly I learned to lie Don't judge me 'til you've walked a mile in my shoes Things aren't always as they seem Being with him was like falling asleep Going home was like waking from some kind of dream The kind that you hope never ends But real life is not something I can suspend